Chicken and Chem

I think I am becoming a vegetarian. Every time I go to eat meat it makes me want to puke and I have to stop eating it, if I have at all touched it. It could be another of my phases, but those phases are usually provoked by something (e.g. watching Madeline*, dissecting a chicken wing in yr 8 science and seeing all the gross tendons and joint ligaments etc) and as far as I can see, there's been nothing to provoke my sudden dislike of meat. Well I mean, today my Indonesian class went to an indo restaurant and the chicken was rank with like hairs on it and some of it was more like fried bone than chicken, and other parts looked like they had fingers etc. But it wasn't just me who thought that, my whole 6 person class thought the chicken was rank - the food in general, but we had a good laugh about it. And besides, I've been having these vegetarian tendencies for like a month now. Hmm, interesting.

In other news, chemistry is rad, as nerdy as that makes me sound (and Jess, haha). Apart from our teacher announcing today that we will be having weekly friday chemistry tests, that is. Today we heated metals. Magnesium, we discovered, creates a bright white light which you're not supposed to look at but we sorta did anyway. Was awesome - like the sun before our very eyes :) And, the iron nail we heated went red hot and we were able to hammer it into a different shape. We also have our regular accidents, which is mainly what provides our constant entertainment in chem. Today for example, we were heating a test tube with HCl acid and a metal in it and the test tube had a stopper to trap any gases produced. We were meant to take off the stopper and test if there was gas present, but as I was telling Jess to hurry up and take the stopper off, and while she was complaining that she wasn't going to put her hand in a bunsen flame to take off the stopper, the stopper popped off loudly and flew halfway across the room. Haha, so funny. In yet another hilarious incident, we were meant to be heating magnesium or something in a crucible (a little bowl thingo with a lid) and it was meant to glow bright. Ours wasn't glowing bright, and after 20 minutes of heating it (unsuccessfully), we looked around and realised that we weren't meant to have a gauze mat on the tripod beneath the crucible and the pipe-clay triangle. This led to jess clumsily using the tongs to try to remove the unneccessary piece of equipment and almost dropping several things in the process whilst trying to conceal all this from our nazi teacher. Ahh good times. Then there was the time when I compared chem to Harry's potion class - what with the nazi teacher, the times when we totally screw up an experiment and try to hide what we're doing plus our hystericalness etc. Haha, can finally experience life like it is at Hogwarts, at least to some extent.

I think that's it. I had de ja vu while writing this blog, so I apologise if I've written this all before elsewhere.


*When I was young I loved Madeline. Hence, when the Madeline movie came out I bought it and watched it for what would have seemed a trillion times at the time, but was actually only a total of about 5 before wanting new entertainment. As a little kid does when they love someone/something, I imitated Madeline. In the movie, she befriended a chicken called Freddy (or rather, whom she named Freddy) and didn't want to eat him (or other chickens) after that. She eventually ate chicken at the end again I think, I'm not entirely sure though. Well, I didn't get as far as befriending any chickens but I did go on a chicken strike. I refused to eat chicken and when my mum tried to force feed me some of Freddy I said "If I say 'Freddy' three times, I'll throw up!" and I said 'Freddy' three times and ran to the sink to spew. I was really intouch with my psychic when I was young haha.

The wonder of possibility

I hate when people say things and you don't know whether they are being serious or not. I hate when something someone said sticks in your mind and you overanalyse every possible meaning of what they said and get lost in the wonder of possibility. I hate when you can't ask them what they meant and if they were indeed being serious. I hate when people say things they don't totally mean because of one reason or another. More than anything, I hate not knowing.

***

Last night we had debating as usual on friday nights. The topic, if I recall correctly (it was very wordy and long), was "That models should have to satisfy the minimum healthy weight standards before being allowed to participate in the Australian Fashion Week". Because it was another away debate (at St. Catherine's) we were negative, which I much prefer because we don't have to make a model and it's easier to defend the status quo than propose change. Although I must say, saying models can be sickly thin isn't the easiest thing to defend, but we did a good job of it. I don't know if I have said before, but I'm 2nd speaker, and have been in previous debates also. The topic was easy enough - we understood it for a start, unlike the week before last. We developed some pretty good arguments and they developed some ok ones which our arguments shut down. Nevertheless, for some bizarre and unknown reason, we lost (again) which was quite disappointing considering we actually debated well and everyone thought we had it in the bag and should have won the debate. Till last night, we hadn't minded losing much at all just because during each debate we could already tell the other team was doing a way better job and so we didn't really need an adjudicator to tell us we had lost. We took it in our stride, tried our best and laughed at Hannah's funny moments, and our overall crapness if we misinterpreted the topic or so on. And we improved. But no, the one time we do well, understand the topic and present a strong case, we lose. Well we won once, but that doesn't count, if we didn't win that debate we would have been more outraged than this week. Last night, we minded. Soo cut. But oh well. Winning isn't everything. It's something, but not everything. We still had fun and laughed at Hannah's moments and tried not to 'cause the debating teacher was sending eye signals not to. Good times. It's funny, when I first got involved in debating through Macquarie Cup I was wishing I hadn't signed up. Now it's fun as and I reckon I could possibly miss doing it once it ends at the beginning of next term. It's already finished for this term but we are still training and then it starts up again in week 1 or 2 next term and we only have 2 debates next term because pigs could fly if we get into any of the knock off rounds. But it's ok, I've had fun and will look back on debating as not only a good new experience and a means of developing confidence but also remember some of the funniest personal jokes ever. *sigh* I think I wanna do UNI debating, would be cool. Although probably way more competitive and serious. And I like fun debating. Oh well, shall see when I get there :)

Different but same same

Everyone that has ever walked across this earth is different. We all have different personalities, different flaws, different strengths, different character traits. Some of us may be selfish, others may have a low self esteem; some too easily trust, others not; some hold on, others let go. We all make different mistakes, experience different experiences and come from different perspectives. We all have different upbringings, different cultures. Yet the fact that we all have flaws and strengths and personalities and the fact that we all make mistakes and have experiences and perspectives and culture and upbringing makes us all the same. We are all human. So one may not understand what it's like to live another's life, may no understand their perspectives or culture, but our different paths and flaws and personalities and experiences and perspectives all teach us exactly the same thing - what it means to be human. It's just different ways of learning the same lessons. We all love and hate, and cry and laugh, and dance and mourn, so really beneath it all we are the same. Why won't humanity wake up and realise that?

"Stream of conciousness"

For the past 3 weeks, we have over analysed each individual word of the the first Act of Macbeth in advanced English (and people wonder why I over analyse situations so much...). Today, in merely one 50 minute period, we skimmed through Acts 2 and 3, so that I barely know what happened in those 2 acts, let alone techniques and what not. And saying that the middle 2 acts of the plays aren't as relevant is absolute bull because everyone knows that's not true. Why the hell do I have to have such an illogical English teacher? *sigh* Not only is she illogical and obviously doesn't know how to manage time (I'm not being hypocritical - I'm a student, she's a teacher) she also sets lots of written responses for us to hand in and then never bothers collecting them and doesn't bother handing them back when she does collect some. She only handed back some comprehension responses today, mine not included. What teacher subjectively chooses half the classes responses, marks them and hands them back and (with no explanation) ignores the other half? I may aswell not bother doing them anymore since she doesn't even check you've handed it in and doesn't ever bother asking for them even if only 3 students hand them in and quite obviously the najority of the class hasn't. I still have a fairytale appropriation I wrote one late night last week for ext. english and she hasn't cared to collect it (I'm unfortunate enough to have the same teacher for advanced and ext). Ridiculous - there's no such thing as improvement without some form of criticism.

*****

Today I had my ext. 1 maths assesment, and it wasn't all so bad. I got stuck on about 3 questions and went in circles on one of them, but apart from that I think I did reasonably well, considering I didn't do much study. I was contemplating staying up till the early hours of the morning to do some past papers but was totally dead and couldn't care less at the time :)

*****

These past few weeks, in particular this one, have gone so fast, and I'm glad. Not too long ago I experience one loooong week and ever since then the weeks have been flashing before my eyes and I can hardly get a grip on time because, before I know it, we've come to the end of the week and it's the weekend again. After tomorrow, everything will become a whole lot less stressful, because the work may not ever decrease (because I don't do any of it) but it certainly won't increase and pile up either, because I have only 2 days of school next week and on each of those days I am sitting an assesment for a couple of periods and then leaving. So I won't have any additional h/w or assignments until the following Tuesday =) , by which time I would have hopefully attempted to complete some work that is currently piling up. Otherwise if not, at least I just won't have legal/chem assesments to study (or worry...) about.

*****

I need a new job *sigh*. Job hunting, fun. Can't wait to find a new job though.

*****

There's so many things I want to do in life. If I wrote a list I'm positive it would be more than 100 things to do before I die. But where is the time? When will I ever get the chance to do all these things? It's so frustrating to think that the majority of your life you go to school, go to uni, work and have kids all the while suffering stress and growing old and wrinkley without realising it, until you find one day that you're in a hospital bed or nursing home and you can't explain how you got there (perhaps because you have amnesia...). *sigh* I want adventure.

And speaking of wants, I was also recently thinking that I want guts. Or rather, I want the ability to express my guts. To say what I think and do what I want and not care what other people think, not care about the consequences. To focus on the now reasons for doing something, rather than over analysising the future implications of the not-yet-done action. Like in Macbeth. Where Lady Macbeth says "Come, thick night, / And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell, / That my keen knife see not the wound it makes, / Nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark, / To cry, 'Hold, hold.'" To take risks and not worry about reputation because you only get one shot at life. To be not only young, but carefree, because the two go side by side, right? Since when do carefree spirits die at the age of 16 (or less)? It feels like just yesterday that I was in primary school. I often see people from my primary school on my bus or at the shops, and whether they be in my year or younger, most of them haven't changed and so it takes so little effort to transport myself back to that small little building in that small little room at the back where we sat and relive those moments. Just today when I hopped off the bus, I saw a young girl from my primary school (who was probably just starting kindy when I left) who has an older sister (who was in about year 3 or 4 when I left also). The younger one is now probably in year 4 and is exactly how I remember the older one to be, however I also see her around sometimes and she is in year 8 or 9. Where did all the time pass? That one sister should look exactly like her other half did 5 years ago? *sigh*


That is all.

Weighing up

Just now I was contemplating two friends and wondering which one I was closer to. At first, I thought it was easy and knew for sure which I was closer to. But at second glance I began to think more closely. One of them I've "trusted" (in the simplest sense) more and opened up to more, however the other I talk to more and see more often and we are quite close. I can't really decide anymore. What defines closeness? Some people I'm close to because we see eachother everyday at school (and they're in my classes and what not), others because even if I didn't see them for an entire half year and it still wouldn't be the slightest bit awkward ringing them and chatting for hours and we'd still be as close as always. And sometimes I think the only reason I am close with the people I see everyday is simply because I see them everyday, which is logical enough in itself. But I think that with some of them, if I didn't see them for ages I wouldn't just be able to ring up and have a full on d'n'm with. And to think that the closest type of closeness is based on mutal trust would be silly, wouldn't it? I'm not exactly consistent in my reasons why I trust people and open up to them, there's a lot of peripheral thought that comes into it. So yes, now I'm confused, but that's enough thinking for today :)

Etre

I long for a complete sense of emancipation. No pressure, no one on your back, no one asking you to do things, no one asking where you're going, no one wondering where you are, no places to be, no one needing to know where you've been and what you've done. No restrictions, no obligations, no responsiblities, no accountability, no rules, nothing. That's emancipation. The sense of freedom created by nothingness. As my Year 3 teacher used to say - we are human beings not human doings. To exist without any other trivial purpose. To be. And just to be.

Last night after debating (which by the way, we lost - against Tanggara again! Gahh, hate them. So frustrating, especially since it was about whaling and everyone knows whaling is bloody evil and cruel so we should have won) it was raining. I didn't have an umbrella and had to walk to the other side of the school and had to walk through non-sheltered areas to do so. I was completely drenched to the skin from head to toe within about 30 seconds of walking. Other than the white-shirt-see-through factor when wet (lucky no one was around) it was the best. I haven't felt rain like that in yonks and it wasnt the pissy spitting crap type of rain either, it was literally just bucketing down. And there was lightening :) I felt quite liberated. Rain has that effect on me. Not completely liberated (is such a state attainable?) ofcourse, but liberated enough. It was kind of rejuvenating - to experience that short time of emancipation and then hit earth again, and go back to the reality of restraints and obligations and accountability and rules and things to be done etc. *sigh* It was good while it lasted.

Holiday Reminiscing

Today is the first Saturday since the holidays (if I remember correctly) that I haven't had work, and the first day since the holidays which I have slept in. It was awesome. But I woke up in a weird mood and I tried to pinpoint what mood I was actually in, and why so. I finally realised it felt like the holidays 'cause I wasn't working nor was I at school, and it felt like one of those days when you have nothing to do and really want to go out. *Sigh* I spose that's the good thing about always being busy with work and what not - when you do actually have a day off, it feels like a holiday.

It seriously feels incredibly like the holidays, I wanna go out all day (it's really sunny too) - except I have so much school work to do :(

Post Script. Haha, I ended up neglecting the work and going out :)