Friendship? (again...)

Ok, so I've already posted today. But 7 or so trips downstairs to stare in the fridge,and a bag of sour lollies later, I still haven't read a page of either of the books relating to my assesment, nor have I even contemplated picking up a pen. I'm dead bored and wish I went out today. So in times of desperation like these, my mind likes to thinks a lot. And hence, another I feel another blog coming on. Except it seems to be interconnected with my last few blogs, but whatever. So here is my wasting-time blog:

I hate disappointment. Oh my God. It's horrible. Ok no, I don't really hate disappointment. I hate friendship that's dissapointing. I particularly hate becoming really good friends with someone really fast. And then a few months later, the friendship has died. It strengthens at high speed, so after such a short space of time, it reaches its peak and has no where else to go but down. And just as it strengthens quickly, so it disintegrates. Those friendships never ever last. You'd be lucky if it lasted over 6 months, and a year's a milestone. But those are also the sort of friendships which you put your all into. Because of the lightening speed pace, it doesn't take much time before you've told them most, if not all, your secrets; before you've poured out your soul. And once you've done so, there's no getting it back. And in no time you've realised that the friendship was built on shaky ground - that you skipped the basic establishing stages and that it would inevitably fail. But the fact that you put your all, and they too put their all, into the friendship, makes it the type of friendship that's hardest to see fall apart, because you (foolishly) allow yourself to become attached to the person much too quickly, unlike in normal friendships.

I have got to get out of this habit. I never thought there'd be an 'unhealthy' way to make friends. Argh.

Bleugh, cliche and unoriginal I know. But no one reads this anyway, right?

"First a warning, musical; then the hour, irrevocable"

At present, I am meant to be doing my English assesment, plus loads of other things including 2 speeches, maths past papers, chem assesment/study, etc. But I can't concentrate, so instead my mind wandered to this:

Things have changed. When I think of people, places, things, relationships, attitudes, of the past I realise how much everything has changed. How that guy I used to like I now think is an arrogant jerk and am indifferent to his presence. How those good times, memories and personal jokes with that friend I don't even speak to anymore were short lived. How that good friend was only ever a good friend to use me. How that place used to make me think about nothing but now makes me remember everything. How those people, that place I have no connection to now, were the best, and things would be different if we stayed. How that seems so long ago I can hardly recall it, as if it never was a part of my past, but if it was a part of the present I wouldn't be able to imagine life without it. How the person that made me happiest I haven't in years and probably never will again. How all these people I haven't spoken to or seen for ages probably don't remember me or give me a thought now.

I wish I never grew up. I wish I could stop growing up, but the moment's too hard to grasp.

Extract of hope

If you can make people hate themselves because they cannot achieve an airbrushed fiction, you can sell them lots of ultimately useless shit - machines and cellulite creams and diets and weight-loss teas.

Why?

Because if there's one thing we humans are more addicted to than food that's battered and deep-fried, it's hope.

- SMH Blogs "All Men Are Liars" by Sam de Brito